Boundaries

Hello Readers,

Setting boundaries does not make you mean. Boundaries are a safety net and boundaries keep people on the right path. Just as we expect others to value our boundaries, it’s equally important for us to respect the boundaries of others. Boundaries are about your relationship with yourself and they signify your values, so they should not be too fluid and should automatically roll of your tongue like the alphabet. There is nothing to be gained by appearing hesitant or being people pleaser all your life. No boundaries indicate that a person has very little self-esteem.  Boundaries are your best friend.

We cannot change others and we are not responsible for what comes out of their mouths, their reactions or what choices they make.  Since you can’t change others, what you must do is change how you deal with them.  Let your behaviour, not your words speak for you. Whether they are family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give into to their demands and they will be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying ‘no’, it will inevitably bring about a fresh round of mind games and emotional blackmail. Never let anyone push you around or walk all over you. This does not mean that you have to be rude or unpleasant, but you need to be firm when drawing some clear lines for the people in your life. People cannot treat you the way you want them to treat you unless you tell them how to treat you.  One way to quickly get someone to question your character or authenticity is to say one thing but do another. We very often conceal our true feelings because we are afraid of other people’s reactions.  The more you ground yourself with your boundaries and values the more you will be very clear in your communication. ‘No’ means ‘No’.  You do not have to justify your decisions nor make excuses.  You just have to stick to your decisions, mean what you say and this will send out a very clear message as to where other people stand in your life and you will receive more respect as a result.

There are two very clear signs of knowing when boundaries have been crossed. You will experience a feeling of discomfort and resentment to the point of even wanting to put a healthy distance between you and the person who is pushing their luck. You may feel as though you are being forced out of your comfort zone and feel nervous and edgy because it’s obvious that you are being taken advantage of by the other person and not appreciated for your efforts.  These people have a strong sense of ‘entitlement’ and expect everyone to do their bidding and agree with them.  Never let anyone put you under undue pressure to do their bidding.  It’s so easy to get stuck in the childhood mindset of allowing others to decide what is acceptable and what is good for us, but that was then and this is now so if you are going to evolve and grow into the kind of person you really want to be and live the life you dream about, quit asking permission from others and let go of the guilt and start taking better care of yourself.

The main benefit of having boundaries is that you can relax and be yourself and once you start valuing your time other people will eventually realise that you mean business and they will fall into line.

Stand firm, refuse to cave into the unreasonable demands of others and get ready for your life to change, because it will.

Until Next Week,

Love and Light,

Linda and The Lulas xxx